keeping my sanity

When you live in the City that never sleeps, sometimes it also feels as if your mind can't sleep. I find myself constantly contemplating about things. Am I doing all that I can to progress? Do I really like my job? How can I improve my relationships? What else is out there for me? I think about the different areas in my life and what needs special attention.

But after all that mental exercise, I end up telling myself, "chill out. Things'll unfold and I'll know what to do." And then I relax, enjoy my surroundings and live my life. Until the next subway ride, the next movie or quiet moment which initializes this whole thinking cycle all over again. Some thoughts are depressing, some are insightful. But sometimes, I just want to relax and not let the daily grind get to me. Even if we're always bombarded by that constant list of to-do's, sometimes all we need is an outlet to feel that we're not too caught up with the rat race. We all need to let loose once in a while, and so here's me taking a break:

Gotta love this City. Gotta love these people! :) They keep me sane!

women

I have heard this from people who are currently not living in Manila but have, at some point, lived there. That, or they spent long summer vacations there, usually to get away from the province only to wonder why they left. They said "Manila girls are vicious." Hmm... I'm sure they do not pertain to all but I'm almost certain they were talking about the upper and upper middle class girls. The girls that went to exclusive schools and international schools. Some observers even went so far as to call Manila girls "showy." Now in this case I can't really say I have no idea what they're talking about. In fact, I myself have had bad experiences with the likes but as in all generalizations, you see it in some and the others have nothing to do with it. Superficiality, I think, is a product of the environment.

At this point I'd also like to confess that yes, I do acknowledge that certain trait which resembles "mean girls" within myself and within the circles I've come to know. But, I'd just like to say... take that, and take it a few notches up higher and you 've got New York women. If Manila girls are vicious, you have some ruthless New Yorkers to contend with here in the City. Heartless SOBs but then again, they don't think they can accomplish much in their careers without being that way. I've come to meet some "Manila" girls with that NY attitude. Geez, they really like the view from their high horses huh. Don't look at me, I'm not looking to steal your thunder. I might, however, offer you a fake smile and/or civil conversation. But I'm here to stay so let's keep the peace shall we. Gradually, I'd like to think these people will get a better grip of themselves and ease up... at least down the line. That, or you've got an old maid with tons of issues in the making.

In the midst of all this, I am just grateful that I have a handful of "nice" women surrounding me here. They're so grounded they seem like beautiful sunlight that prevails in a place where ominous clouds seem to linger. They've battled with their demons and have come out victorious and wiser. They give women a good name. They make men wish they could bring them home to mama. And with that, boy am I glad to be where I am. I sure could use more of that sunshine.

New York chick

Yeah... so I'm lovin it here. What else can i say???

the distant ringing of wedding bells

Most of my girlfriends have been announcing one engagement after another. According to Tere, "wedding boom" all of a sudden. I’m bummed out. Not because I wish to be engaged like them, but because it looks as if I’ll be missing most of their weddings. Due to the fact that I’m tied to this side of the world for the next year or two, I'm really hating my situation as of late. I’ve already missed the wedding of 2 close friends (last October) where I was asked to be part of their entourage. I honestly did NOT want to miss that special day. I always thought I’d be there to see my best friend get married... =(

This coming March, another good friend is getting married (in Bangkok!) and so the group will be going to Thailand and seems as if they're looking to make a side trip to hit the beaches after. Basta, all I seem to be reading these days through yahoo group mails are plans for the Thailand trip. One friend is even flying in from UK just to make it. I'm so jealous! I want to go to Chatuchak! I wanna go to Phuket! I want to eat fried bugs sold on the side streets of Patpong! (Ok scrap the last sentence who am I kidding?)

And just recently, one of my best friends announced her engagement. It was not a surprise since I knew that was coming but her civil wedding is only a month away! It looks as if I can’t make it to that either even though it will be here in the US. On top of that, another “feisty chick” is engaged to be married this December in Punta Fuego. A beach wedding! What the hell’s going on??? Has my luck run out, has my blessed fortune deserted me? Have I grown balat on my pwet all of a sudden?

At this point, my situation looks hopeless. I honestly can’t say when I’ll be back in Manila again. If luck’s arrow decides to come my way at the end of 2006 or beginning of 2007, then I might just be able to attend one wedding. Two if I’m ABSOLUTELY blessed. God, I feel so left out from all the significant happenings this year. I know I’m not alone though since we’re scattered all over the world now. But heck, it feels like I’m the pinaka unable to leave this damn country.

GGRRR! Why’d we have to all grow up and take on responsibilities anyway! Couldn't we have stayed forever young and just commit to school and traveling?

Hmm.. come ot think of it.... I think that could be a possibility!!! That is, if my father was Bill Gates and I absolutely had no ambition in life. Great. Problem solved huh?

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P.S.
Just after I typed this peice I saw yet another "feisty chick" online. Chatted with her for a bit and she announces that SHE's having her church wedding in Manila this year. Wonderful. Somebody just shoot me.

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P.P.S.
Happy birthday my darling Fayinna. Don't you dare surprise us by getting engaged too!!

Fernand and I with the engaged ones - Pat, Mago and Chris

THY stupid mouth

Jon Mayer’s song was such a hit because however ill fated and cause for many sleepless nights, its normal to runaway at the mouth.

We’re all guilty of spilling the unwanted beans. Once, twice, and sometimes more than that. I’ve just been chatting with a good friend (no names of course) and she sheepishly admitted that she made a bubu she had not yet told me about. Apparently, one seemingly harmless Friday night, she had the usual one-too-many drinks after work to de-stress herself. She bumped into her crush (a tiny crush according to her), hung out with him and - when she went way past her sober mark - breathlessly proclaimed that she liked the guy. With no background checks (a definite must! Even for a minuscule of a crush) done on the oblivious guy! There she was – baring her "soul" (or should I say kiligness) with no ammunition whatsoever. Girls, you know what I mean. EEK to the hundredth degree right! And guess what? He had a girlfriend.

Another blunder: A different friend of mine, having met up with an old crush in foreign soil after so many years of not seeing him, developed an even bigger crush on the guy. They constantly hung out, and without Manila’s piercing gaze on them, they started flirting. They talked endlessly on the phone, they made each other laugh. She felt a connection but her short vacation eventually had to end. Since their flirting never amounted to much, she decided to write him a letter. And as if she would never see him again whole life, she (like my other friend) made the mistake of telling him how she felt. Written on impulse & overwhelmed with emotions, the writings were heavily exaggerated. Because they would be separated by vast oceans, she told me she shought she could pour out her feelings through a letter and bahala na. BIG MISTAKE. Just a minute after mailing the letter (the day before she left his country), she already regretted the deed.

They went their separate ways and years later when they met up, it bit her in the ass. He wouldn’t let it go, he constantly brought it up which he knew absolutely mortified her. She was embarrassed beyond words because she somehow regarded this guy highly. She wanted to keep him as a friend. To this day, her humiliation is still ringing in her ears.

What nonsensical calamities! My point? SHUT YER TRAP girls! Hahaha!